Nobody likes a fat person

I just watched a report on The Huffington Post that links obese mothers with having autistic children. They better have proof of this because that’s adding another stigma to obesity.  Isn’t it tough enough already?

I would bet the higher rate of autism has to do with other things that make us stay skinny: like aspartame in everything, and how about the pink slime in McDonald’s Hamburgers. Then, there’s always high fructose corn syrup.

How about all the Ritalin we hand out like candy, or the antidepressants everyone takes?

How about all the unhealthy meat we eat from the corporate farms, or the chickens who are literally cooped up?

Last year they were convinced autism was caused by vaccinations and now that’s been dismissed.  Meanwhile, there’s a whole lot of kids running around who are going to get things like whooping-cough because their mothers are afraid to vaccinate them. I know I would’ve thought twice after hearing that. I suspect that’s why a lot of people are homeschooling their kids.

I hope they figure this autism thing out soon. It’s pretty scary, but do we have to blame it on being fat?

Don’t fat people have enough to feel bad about?

MEGA MAC jp-1

MEGA MAC jp-1 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I blew it on Brownies (2) and grits at the Waffle House

A Waffle House restaurant in Gadsden, Alabama.

A Waffle House restaurant in Gadsden, Alabama. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

It wasn’t too bad today. I went to the pool with my husband. I did a good 40 minutes in the water. I run, life weights, use a tube, run in place, quickly, move my legs up and down, power up, and power down.

We started out at the Waffle House where they say “hi” when we walk inside. . I only had two scrambled eggs, decaf coffee, and grits.Two things of cream. Maybe not such a good choice. I tried not to eat the buttery part. Usually I would’ve gotten a chocolate chip waffle. I am a child at heart, and in my mind. That’s my association with childhood. And I love chocolate.

I was going to some event with dinner, so I made sure I ate lunch before I left. I had a tuna sandwich with 2 pieces of whole-wheat toast, some tomato soup, and okay a little extra tuna. Maybe a TBS.

Then I went to the event. I had one square of semi-sweet chocolate. I had a couple of pretzels. I was fine till dinner.

I had salmon and  salad. The bread was moldy, so I just showed it to the lady who was putting on the food. I’m sure she was thrilled that I pointed that out. So, she removed the moldy rolls. But then, I found one that wasn’t moldy, and ate it with butter. Then I took one small brownie with frosting. But, then I went back up and ate another one.So, it probably added up to one biggie brownie.

Oh by the way, I have a really lousy case of Gerd, and a hiatal hernia. That means my stomach sometimes backs up. So, in between inhaling my food, I started hicupping. Then, I ran to the restroom where I almost lost it. Without my omeprazole, generic for prilosec. I can’t swallow and eat. Since I use food for emotional reasons, that is really hazardous for my emotional health.

Okay, now I’m home. So, the goal is not to eat for the rest of the evening.

 

 

 

 

What I learned at Weight Watchers

Weight Watchers Awards

Weight Watchers Awards (Photo credit: bitchcakesny)

So, today is a new day.

I spent $300.00 last year going to Wt Watchers. I am pretty broke, so maybe if writing this down will help me, I’m going to do it.  Maybe if I get enough people following me, I’ll be beholden to them and myself.

Let me tell you about Wt Watchers, What is it about handing someone a ticket that I paid money for, that helped me? Let’s not forget about  getting on the scale. It made me feel like a piece of meat. But, I did it anyway. I lost a total of 12 pounds. By now, I’ve gained 5 of it back, so it’s not hopeless. But, I didn’t get on a scale today.

They use the point system. Every food has a certain amount of points. They have a book that gives you what all the foods are. They tell you to write down what you eat to keep track. I think they give you a point for every 50 calories you eat.  I even bought a fancy point converter which I never figured out how to use. I understand they went from allowing you 29 points to 26 points.  Fruits and vegetables didn’t have any points.

So, when you’ve eaten enough points, you are supposed to stop eating.

I am a night eater, and a crave eater, so that did initially help me.

I’d go to meetings and feel like I was a failure if I didn’t write it down. Other people were just peeling off the pounds and I wasn’t.

It would keep me honest the day I went, and the day before I went.

But, a lot of people whined about how they couldn’t do it. And were weak. That got on my nerves, of course, I was the one doing some whining too.

Today, I am going to the gym. I do water aerobics with my husband, and that is good exercise. Honestly, I used to weigh 20 pounds more than I do now, and that keeps it off. So exercise is key for me. The good thing is I do like the feeling I get after I’m done.

But, the problem is I do have an emotional relationship to food. See, I’m whining again.

Let’s see what I can do today. I am going to write it down. Everything that goes in my mouth.

I should be able to do that since I am a writer.

Not so good today

Today, I was craving chocolate. There wasn’t any in the house, but I hunted for the Hershey’s syrup and I found it behind some stuff in the refrigerator. My husband hid it there. I found it.

There was probably a couple of tablespoons left, and I found it. At least there was only a little bit left.

This is no way to take off weight.

Does this happen to you? You find a forbidden food, and the control goes.

Hershey's Syrup, circa 1950s

Hershey's Syrup, circa 1950s (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Emotions and food: tell me your story

Cover of "Fat Girl - Criterion Collection...

Cover of Fat Girl - Criterion Collection

I guess I’ll start my weight blog. I’m just exploring how it all got started. How my weight got mixed up with my emotions. Everyone who is overweight can relate to this problem.

I started out in life weight 5 pounds even. My mother used to tell me when she got me home, she couldn’t get me to take a bottle, so she had to use a eye dropper to get me to eat. Maybe that was the start of my rocky relationship with food.

I was pretty skinny. I remember people calling me “skinny bones,” and I didn’t have a good comeback.

I was a picky eater. I didn’t like unusual food. That included fruit pies, jello with fruit inside, and any exotic food.

It all started to changed when I was about 8 years old. Suddenly, I had hips, and a rear end. Too much of a good thing. I was sitting on the sidewalk one summer day with my friends, and I noticed my thighs were bigger than theirs. I actually could bounce them on the sidewalk.  Then, I grew and noticed I had stretch marks. I was a very young girl when I noticed my body changing. I guess it was too much of a good thing too fast. So, I went from skinny to a little chubby. I never had to wear a chubby size.

In those days, we wore skirts to school which was better for me. I always looked better in a dress than I did in pants. To this day I can remember those feelings that I had at the time. Maybe they’re still inside me after all. The very exact same feelings. Disappointment, that I wasn’t the best.

I went on my first diet when I was 13 years old. All I had to do at that time was cut out the chocolate fudge cake in junior high, and cut out the snacks.  It did work.

I thought it was going to be the solution to my problem. And, I don’t think I was a “fat girl.” I was more of a hippy girl. (By the way, it didn’t help me have kids, I had 3 cesareans).

My mother was always going on diets, and included me on her journey. I really didn’t care. It was the Stillman diet, Dr. Atkins diet, calorie limiting diet, and all kinds of odd diets. I didn’t think about them either way.

Weight was always in the back of my mind. I hated clothes shopping because I didn’t look perfect in jeans. So, I didn’t overextend the family’s budget. I was always waiting to look better.

My mother pointed out to me at a very young age, that I looked best in an A line skirt.

My weaknesses were are still are: bread, fast food restaurants, and chocolate.

So, since I’m pretty up there in years I could go on and on. But I won’t.

Starting now, I’m exploring my reasons for getting where I am today.

So today, I’m starting another weight loss journey.

Today I feel motivated.

Join me. We can go on the journey together. Give me your diet history? What early experiences led you to where you are now. How did your feelings get mixed up with your weight?